This past week, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I got into a little argument.
In our very modest home, I avoid such activity normally (whoever said I was normal). Sometimes it’s completely impossible to avoid. One of those moments was this one.
I was in the study area of our home doing some kind of work when my wife came in, looked around with both hands on her hips and said, “What is the purpose of this mess?”
I was initially confused by what she was referring to. In fact, I frequently begin to misunderstand what she is saying. I’ve learned from experience that the issue will disappear if I simply nod in agreement and smile. It persisted this time.
“I’m referring to,” she said rather sarcastically, “all of this mess in this room!”
The problem I was having at the time was her definition of “mess.” Our definitions have diverged over the course of my marriage, I’ve discovered.
It’s true that we use the same words, but to her they mean something different than they do to me. My wife has a habit of using exact word definitions. While I just make generalizations.
If you ask her how much money she had in her purse, she would say, “I have $21.19.”
If you asked me the same question (eliminate the purse) I would say, “I have around $20.”
I don’t care about the precise numbers, whereas she is.
When she said, “All of this mess in the room,” it had a different meaning than what I got what she was getting at.
The space is disorganized, for instance, if one book is just a little bit out of place in relation to the other books.
I look at my room as “my room,” and Given that I requested it, I ought to be able to have it. I’ll allow it to be messy if that’s how I want it to be. Having my belongings close by is what I consider to be messy. Nothing is more cozy than being surrounded by what my wife calls my “mess.”
Continuing her conversation, she said, “What will we do to fix this mess?”
When she said the word “we” I didn’t know what to make of what she called the mess in my room and I wasn’t sure if she had anyone who could assist her in cleaning it up, so I was perplexed. She didn’t say anything; she just gave me a look that suggested she was waiting for my response. I anticipate a favorable response.
I stumbled for a moment as I tried to gather my thoughts, and it is very challenging to get your thoughts organized when they wander as much as mine do.
I turned to look at her, then around at my room, then back at her, then back at my room. I struggled mightily to see any mess. What she was talking about eluded me. I would have found it if there was actually a mess in my room. I had no idea what she was referring to.
Staring at her and she staring back, she finally said, “We must tidy up this space!”
Everyone must have a different system for structuring their life, I suppose. I enjoy having everything laid out in front of me to organize my life. Furthermore, if I can’t find something, it simply means that I don’t really need it.
My wife has a habit of looking for something all day long, only to realize it’s too late to take action when she finally does.
Along this line, life is fairly simple for me. I don’t need it if I don’t have it. I only need what is in front of me and that which is readily available.
Looking down at the floor, I said rather softly, “We don’t need to do any cleaning in this room, in my opinion.”
“What did you say?”
I was in trouble at that point, though I wasn’t sure what it was. I then said what I had to say again.
“We don’t really need to clean this room, in my opinion. In fact,” I said as slowly as possible, “I like how it is now.”
My wife was probably trying to organize my room so I could find what I needed when I needed it. My clock simply runs differently than that. In any case, I’m thankful that my clock continues to run. I don’t follow the pattern by which she lives and dies. She said, “Everything has to be where it belongs.”
However, I only need to be in the appropriate location for me.
Then a lightbulb appeared above my head. I looked at her and said, “I’ll help you tidy up the mess in your room after we clean up this one.”
As she turned her back and left my room, I couldn’t help but think of a verse of Scripture, “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31).
I may enjoy my mess even though you might not.