Few individuals consider the consequences of their actions when having an affair. They are not considering how the situation will affect their home family. If they were, it would be much more difficult for them to commit the fraud. Sincere to say, the faithful spouse is frequently the one who is most aware of the consequences that can (and occasionally do) result from the affair, but for the benefit of everyone involved, there is a real tendency to try to concentrate on fixing rather than on dwelling.
Therefore, it can occasionally come as a surprise to all parties when they turn around and realize the harm the affair caused to their families, friends, and even to themselves. Someone might say: “the day that I was fully aware that my life would change negatively after learning of my husband’s affair. I was aware that nothing would ever be the same again. I experienced a terrible, sinking feeling in my stomach. I was completely honest in my communication. However, not even I foresaw the depth to which my family would sink. I asked my husband to stay with his mother or brother after I learned about the affair because I needed some alone time and didn’t want to be around him. I was urged to change my mind by my husband. He did spend a very brief amount of time with his mother, but after that he started pestering me to reconsider. I didn’t want to alter my opinion. I thought that I needed some alone time in order for counseling to have any effect. Well, I guess my husband ran out of patience because he started dating the other woman once more, and I’m fairly certain that he did so for a while. As soon as I began to suspect this, I obtained employment in order to support myself because I was aware that the future of my marriage did not appear promising. My kids have never had much independence. My kids were left alone after school while I worked because I’ve always been a stay-at-home mom, which had disastrous effects. They began associating with youngsters I would have never approved of. One of them was retained and will have to retake the course due to a decline in grades. I am a little behind on my bills right now. When I look at my life, I find it hard to believe. I had a wonderful life and my family was doing well just a short while ago. Now that my kids are struggling, I’m doing everything I can to avoid coming home at night and collapsing. Why don’t people think about how an affair could ruin their lives before having one? Currently, my husband wants to go to counseling with me, but I’m not sure how open to the idea I am. Because I’m furious that he’s the reason my life is so miserable. He’s also upset with me for making him leave. We both have suffering children and are therefore angry. Before having affairs that ruin lives, I wish people would consider these issues.”
People obviously do not think, as I also wish. Because many of them want to hasten the healing process, they frequently do not recognize the seriousness of their actions even after the affair is discovered. They don’t comprehend why it takes their spouse so long to be able to move on. They are unaware of the gaping hole an affair can create in your family life.
Life-destroying affairs are without a doubt. But I also firmly believe that you can focus on moving forward as best you can because there is nothing you can do about the fact that the affair happened with disastrous results. I have no idea if you are even the slightest bit interested in your marriage, but even if you aren’t, I would strongly advise that you keep up with the counseling. Even if you are unable to save your marriage, the counseling will improve your ability to co-parent. I would also advise you to think about whether your husband’s mother, or anyone else in the picture, would help out with the kids when you have to go to work, assuming that you are unable to change your working hours so that you spend the majority of your time working while the kids are in school.) Clearly, your husband’s mother is aware of the situation. There is also no reason why your husband shouldn’t assist with child care. He should. There is no doubt that leaving the kids alone is ineffective. And that is at least one factor that you might be able to influence.
I’d also talk to your husband about the financial issues. These are his children, and despite the affair, he is likely aware of the need to provide them with a secure roof over their heads. Although I understand that you two are upset with one another, the safety, supervision, and well-being of the children must always come first for everyone. Given that his affair started everything off, I really hope your husband can see this. Nobody can hold it against you if you needed to find employment and initially needed some time apart from him. There is really nothing to apologize for. In order to support your family, you are working. However, he also bears some of the blame for this. And if he keeps going the same way, he is exonerated of responsibility for that. Later, you’ll be able to make a decision regarding the marriage. To save the family and the kids’ lives, however, try to stop the bleeding first. Try to make a change so that the consequences of the affair don’t continue to harm your family and kids. The situation cannot be altered. You can change your response to it, however, so that it makes every effort to keep the children safe.